take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
