I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize