I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize