it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
