we have pet lesbian snakes
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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