my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
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Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
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we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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