8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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