k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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