Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
