He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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