hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
