Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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