im six kinds of drunk right now
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I see more hoeing in ur future
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
