It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
