I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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