Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize