4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
