Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
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Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
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We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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