i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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