Buhtt sex?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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