Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
