as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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