You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Mom said you looked used
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
