From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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