onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Everyone says I win the strip club
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
