Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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