She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
