I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
