dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
