I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
