Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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