The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So much Jack, so little girl.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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