no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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