last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
