One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
