ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
