i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We are all done wearing pants today
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
