Sry I called you an 8
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
