I puked a lego.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
