Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
