I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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