the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
