we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
