no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We are all done wearing pants today
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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