i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
