doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
