Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
