If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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