I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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