dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
