Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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