Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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