I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
