you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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