I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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