wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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