There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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