did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i black out too much to be "responsible"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize