Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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