I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
