This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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