Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
