i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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