I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
