with your own penis?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
