When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
