i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
