I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
