she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
