So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
