My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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