i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
we should paint friendship bongs
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