I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
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the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
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Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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