I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
