Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
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i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
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I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Alive.
So much puke
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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