onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
