i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
