I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
