If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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