I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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