The police scanner is talking about you again....
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
