Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
