Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
