you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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