I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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